Jan 9, 2006

My Year of Insignficance

And so I looked back over the year and suddenly marvelled and the shallow groove my trajectory left, the slow and quiet progression I took as I cleaved unto obscurity, as I made myself...utterly replaceable, in my job, in my romances, sometimes, even, with myself

how do we do these things to ourselves? how do we decide we are barely there when every step is so heavy, every emotion so catastrophic, ever moment so heady?

how are we ghosts in such a vivid and invasive world

and so I'm forced to take responsibility, forced to address the voices that insist I must have played some small role in deciding to be the understudy in everyone's life and while I neglected my own, and it was me who decided to let my own drama unfold stage left, faithful friends holding props and wondering where the fuck I was, and who was this ass with braces and a wandering eye unable to even remeber her lines?

damn my lucky stars

I dont' if I know there is an answer
But I know it started somewhere near the point in which other's fascinating fascinations became more facinating than my own interests and led a dim dull trail down paths of insecurity, of mediocrity, of judgement and insincerity and selfishness

and I know it ends right here, where I sit
keyboard in hand, contemplating all I have and want to give
and how little effort it would take to finally assert what all thats worth

it's not pretty, but it sure is bright
and when it comes on, I dare you to look away


Anonymous said...

I think you're interesting, but I want to say (I started to write, "I have to say," but that's obviously not true) that I think this post is a bit over written, a bit over wrought.

I only mention it because I feel that I try to hard in my writing sometimes (those times when don't just not write because I'm trying to think of what to say and how not to sound over-written myself.

In a positive vein, I wish you a lively and intentional new year.

--Will (I just found your spot here from somewhere else you left a clue / link.)

daff0dil said...

your feedback has been filed with management
thank you very much for taking the time to submit it

Zach said...

Since when are blogs writers' workshops? Will, you are a jackass. I wouldn't have anything good to say about the writing on my own thingy, which is why I put it there instead of in, say, a story i want to publish.

Also, I like the way "daff0dil" writes. So there.

Lola said...

Hahaha Will spends his free time criticizing the writing in the blogs of strangers.

Will, please get a hobby! For your own sake.

Hudi said...

Daff0dil's writing is friggin amazing. I, like Will, also agonize over not being able to produce better blogging.

Is this what the world has come to?

Anonymous said...

While Will does make a rather poor judgement, the rest of you have too made...wait a minute...now I'm doing it.

What I originally wanted to remark on was the post.

Thanks. You have written well exactly what I've been feeling as I too reflected on the past year that wasn't...at least for me. I'm happy to try and observe it as the past and hope never to see it again. Dare I say...My resolution.
- A Maineiac

cordelia said...

Oh my god, Will, is that you? What are the odds? Like a rash, I swear. Right here on my favorite page.

jordgubenator said...

There is a certain security in obsolescence and obscurity. To know that you are just done and that at any moment the lizards will remove you from the situation and toss your husk in with the discards is, to me, a chance to examine what is left and decide where to take it next.

Does the name story of oroboros mean anything to you?

..found you on okcupid.

rich bachelor said...

All of the above is a bit much. Yep, it's silly to expect perfectly edited writing from what amounts to public diaries, Will.
But-everyone else?-y'all could stand to be a bit less florid. Really.
And to Daff: You too, huh?

Anonymous said...

As a possible another "anonymous" I'd like to add a differnt spin to this tread of comments.

Thanks for the treat of your words that you've served up as your personal thoughts for the day. It was like licking a spoon full of your favourite ice cream. Perfect really and something that I hope incorporates into my life in some magical way that you'll never know about...