Dec 22, 2006

For the sake of eloquence and all things verbal I removed the last post.
But yet. But yet the point still lingers. Still remains.

I've been struggling with the notion of give and take. In friendship, relationships. Personal dealings and what have you. Where the line between emotional intimacy and a free therapy sessions lies. What is natural interdependence brought on by friendship and what is codependency, a free ride, emotional larceny?
I don't know. I just know what sometimes we try to make things too easy. Sometimes we make them unreasonably difficult. And the only way I can think of to ensure that we are only being as much of a nuisance as we need to be, the only way I can think of to gaurantee that we are accurately reflecting our needs without beating them down anothers throat is to be honest with ourselves: what do we want and need, and what do we fantasize and about fetishize. The former represents, hopefully, your base line, and if you can't ask for that, you aren't getting what you need. If you can't reveal your most base needs, you really aren't allowing someone to get to know you. Even if that base need or want seems a little silly to you. Even if it's embarassing. If you know it's the difference between black and white for you, yes and no, you gotta say it: this is what makes me happy. The, the latter is tricky business. We are taught to want things. Taught to covet symbols of happiness, affection, devotion. You don't need that diamond or that horse drawn carriage or 50 calls a day. Unless you do.
See you have to know. And you have to respect yourself enough to admit what you want and you like. Otherwise you are almost gauranteed not to get it. Otherwise you are condemned to spectatorship in your very own relationships.

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