Jan 2, 2007

The last time it happened. this happened. it was different. sunny. bright and hopeful and I believed in things. things i don't believe in now. people don't mean the things they say. people mean the things they don't say. give them time. a little time. give him time. I had all this time and I was wandering in and out of my mind and the trees and the water and his backyard and there were naps and promises and I believed all sorts of things. things I don't believe now. I wanted things. things I don't want. now.
but I do know the time was really nice. glorious. calm and cheerful. bright. and...promising? and I didn't worry. because I believed.
but now I know. I know that people say what they mean and mean what they say. even when they lie. they mean what they lie. we are not crippled children unable to communicated the smallest sybols, the simplest sentiments. we find a way to convey our intent. people do not. do not mean, what they do. what they say. even if we can not understand their meaning.
and so I respect. those who like what they mean and mean what they say. and they do what they say and say what they do. it's a package deal. it's a combo prize. it's a delicate broth and a pungent melange and you can't be bothered by what you believe when you know what you know.
it's a little darker now and this time? it isn't bright. and it isn't free. and sometimes, honestly, it isn't nearly as hopeful as I'd....wish.
but I believe it in it because I know.
here is what I know.
I have a new years resolution. it's to trust people as much as I trust myself. and to trust my intuition. because people do not do things they don't mean. even when they lie with a smile and love with their eyes closed.
they just aren't that clever. and so I trust those who learn how to just stop outsmarting themselves.
my resolution has something to do with honesty. and I guess that has something to do with love.

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