instinct and intuition are strange things.
most people believe in instinct. as animals we are bound to have some natural reflexes and urges innate for survival. hungers and desires and even cravings for things when we can't explain why.
it makes sense to even the most logical person: instinct: go into the sun and get your dose of vitamin D. head downstream because some part of you knows you'll hit a lake or river and society gathers around still banks of water. I don't know.
but intuition seems...a little more nuanced. and yet, when it rears it's ugly head many of us fight it. it doesn't make sense. it's just hocus pocus. and still, many people will tell you, ignoring intuition seldom yields the results our logical minds would hope.
I remember, once, I had this "boyfriend". And being sporadic people who both sort of hated the phone we would go a few days without any contact whatsoever. But one weekend, one perfectly normal weekend without contact, I knew knew knew something was wrong. I could feel the psychic tether slack. I could feel him...with someone else. Instinct? No. No immediate cues were present. Intuition. And I called him. And I asked him. And he had slept ...with 3 other, different people.
3 other people.
And I thought about that. You know. Shit, if a festival of cheating doesn't send your feminine intuition into overdrive, doesn't excite that small psychic alarm bell, what will. But then the logical part says: maybe he did it all the time, and you got suspicious, and you get jealous, and so you asked, and he finally told you.
I know this not to be true.
How? well, first of all I know him fairly well this point in my life, again, and after all that shit and a pretty powerful friendship and very little on the line I had my suspicion confirmed. I was the only one he was sleeping with. Until that weekend when the gawds of pussy overflow decided to throw a little downstream and into his pond.
I just. Well, I know this.
The same way I knew to log on to myspace, or facebook or whatever "social networking" site was big at the time when another ex of mine had recently broken up and check some random mutual friends website to confirm they were, infact, a couple now even though they had been friends for years and I hadn't seen them together in longer than our relationship and no specific thing tipped off that intuition.
The same way I have become randomly jealous, or suddenly inexplicably confident in a variety of situations, ranging from romantic to professional, with no real external cues.
And you can call a little of that instinct, but more of that was intuition.
So the real question is:
What do you do when your intuition tells you something that no logical part of you can justify. How do you finagle an intuitive suspicion that finds no roots in reality?