so I tried to think about the sins I'd washed away, the things I had absolved
and I realized that my biggest issue isn't with absolution, it is with the very notion of sin. of evil. that we are made so simple that we need accept acts and concepts as inherently wrong, when evil springs from decisions and their likely results. causation, context, intent, belief.
I think we are sophisticated enough to understand that certain acts are a bad idea, because of their likely result. I think evil can not exist in our mind at inception, I think it grows when is passes the filters of empathy, human kindness, hope and reason and springs an action likely to destroy, hurt, confuse and confound.
I do not know, any more, that I believe in sin. I do not know that I believe there is a lord in heaven who would create creatures who were unable to evolve beyond "yes" and "no" without wondering why.
And for that reason I do not know that we can be washed clean so much as plunder on, by force and habit, working on all the things we believe can help us blossom, while negotiation with the desires that lead us to ugly acts until they are ridiculous and unthinkable in action.
I think we learn to be bad, I think we breed wrong. I do not think evil seeds. I think it breeds from laziness and distraction.
But I am willing to pay ritual attention to my sin, lest I cease to act with intent, lest I become so habitual that I forget to examine my acts for their likely result.