I suppose if I could ask them all the same question I'd want to know if they loved me.
Life has so many unanswered questions, so many holes and uncertainties and one of the hardest things to get used to is that there will always be a cornucopia of queries left unaddressed because you can only really know what goes on in your own brain.
But still I'd want to know. Was I loved.
Well maybe not, love being such a cagey word, so prone to interpretation.
So maybe the real question would be: how am I remembered. With what clarity? and more importantly, with that import? Do they remember meaning it? Did they wish they meant more. Was my presence weighty, or a mere whisp? A distraction or an obessesion.
You know of what I speak.
When you start to get older you have years and years or experience behind you to recall, faces and names and places and about a zillion conversations in the past. and yet some moments stand out, some people persist. some face haunt.
and sometimes you just want to know if you shared that memorable moment. if you both were there. if that particular piece you can not escape has weight in the mind of another as well.
you'll never know the answer. I'll never know the answer. but I guess, if I could ask. I would.