Jan 27, 2011

You can choose your friends, not your enemies....

Suffice it to say I am under no obligation to adore my friends lovers and partners. With tastes ranging as they do, and the undeniable reality that love, or atleast lust, tends to be a bit of a blind whore, sometimes your friends show up with new ...friends for you that you would not have chosen for yourself.

It is all tricky territory. And as we live longer and longer, mature slower, and switch out our relationships with increasing frequency, there are more and more people we get to know as a result of our friends romantic choices.

So yes. I am under no obligation to love a friend I did not choose. But as a friend I AM under the obligation, I think, to atleast respect my friends new romantic partners. To accept them as very much as I can, and back my friend up in this excursion into romance, within the scope of reason. It is called being a good friend. It is called being a decent human being.

And that is why she gets on my nerves. I mean, I know I am a virtual stranger. I am not expecting her to show and gossip with me like I am her oldest and dearest BFF. I am not expecting her to trust me right off the bat. I am not even really expecting her to have long conversations with me, or seek me out in a crowded room. But I AM expecting her to acknowledge me, I AM expecting her to look me in the eye, I am AM expecting her to not step, suddenly, between me and my boyfriend and have a long conversation when she knows very much we arrived together and that she is very much both interrupting and ignoring me. I am expecting her to treat me with atleast the level of respect you reserve for a coworker or a distant family member.

I know she did not choose me as a friend, but need she choose me as an enemy?

But people, these days, man. They have no fucking manners. This girl, this mannerless insecure flirtatious snob of a girl is not the only one. I am shocked at the amount of people who will look right through you rather than acknowledge you. That will pretend you don't exist rather than put the effort into being kind to a new and most likely, insecure in their new roll, human. I am amazed at the men and women who do not invite their friends partners to their parties as well. Who have decided, since they might not have gone out of their way to choose this person for a close relationship themselves, that said person is not really worth a welcoming word or acknowledgement in their world.

Who the fuck raised these people?

Understand, I don't think couples should give up their individual relationships. I still prefer to at least, occasionally, hang out alone with any or all of my friends, as the quality of the intimacy is so very different. I don't really appreciate when I am planning to have a drink, one on one to catch up, to suddenly find myself in a group situation. I am not saying couples give up their autonomous relationships. But I also would not invite a friend to events, over and over again, making it clear that their new loved one is not in on the game. And I may not hug the new girl, but I most certainly say hi.

We call this manners. Finding ways to, as genuinely as possible, treat people with the respect they deserve, even if you can't conjure up bonafide affection. Erring on the side of kindness and consideration when interacting with another.

And I understand this is hard for some people. I am as insecure as they come. I am shy. I worry that I am bothering people. Interrupting. I am not outgoing. But I am also not a bitch.

And so this is my New Years resolution. To be as welcoming and as kind as I can be to anyone and everyone in my midst that does not scare the bejesus out of me.
And to hope that I will model the way for others to do the same.

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