I try, sometimes, to describe the reality of being an awkward person. of being shy. of being socially uncomfortable or inept.
and I know it is not nearly as bad for me as others. some people approach every new situation with fear, every unknown is daunting, every stranger a new opportunity for anxiety.
and I know it is all in your head. my head. ofcourse it is. most discomfort, mental discomfort, is all a spiral of self obssession and judgement.
but that doesn't make it any less real
what I do know is that life is full or potentially awkward and uncomfortable situations: new jobs, new loves, new cities, new foods. if you plan to grow you will, most likely, get used the feeling uncomfortable on some level. if you plan to love people, you will have to get just a little past the pain to find the pleasure.
and conversely, if you plan to be only comfortable you are going to miss out on a whole lot.
especially if you displace your frustration, fear and annoyance on the others around you, sharing the pain without permission, allowing another's discomforts to soften your own.
that is just a good way to be left alone. or get bitch slapped
because like love, awkwardness begets itself
and also like love, the more you share, the more you have to share
but unlike love, sharing such discomfort doesn't ease a burden, ever, truly, and doesn't empower another in a way that builds strength
so you have to choose. you have to choose.