Mar 15, 2011

The last post might come as some surprise to anyone who has spent, well, ten minutes around me.

I am hardly a wilting rose, and I am sure words like "obnoxious" and "demanding" present with much more insistence than "timid" or "avoidant".

I recognize that. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

But to say that I accidentally swung the pendulum renders me as happenstance as my alluding blame for the aforementioned culture of the silent scream.

There really aren't alot of things I can claim I stumbled into. Is what I am trying to say. Saying poorly.

So yes, I've become a little aggressive at times. Hardly the meandering stream I depicted in my prior scribe.

Because, see, there are other issues, other results that present themselves from embracing a life of intensive tolerance and extreme agreeability. Worse problems that simply losing your voice and, perhaps, a bit of yourself.

The worse part about being so easy is that you begin to get to know some really hard people to know. Perhaps they can smell you out, they know they are difficult, they know they are demanding, and they are looking for just that kind of friend who might like to step out of the way and agree with their extremely unagreeable nature. Perhaps it's just written on your face "will break for anyone, anything, any time, and am hoping you'll ask me to do it".
But I suspect it is more simple than that. More succinctly, these are people who are used to people letting them know that they are in a pain in the ass. repetitively. they are demanding and problematic and difficult and most people cut and run when they realize how many unreasonable demands are down the turnpike.

but not you, because you are used to it. hell, it's almost like a swan song. or a challenge. the course of true love did never run smooth and you'll take any rocky road because that has "depth and meaning" written all over. it has "indispensible" scrawled on it's rocky slippery mossy cliff right next to the blood and skidmarks others left when they realized this was the last trap they wanted to walk into.

so yes, one might say it is a self fulfilling prophecy. you don't want to be any trouble. you don't want to push. you don't want to disagree with even things you probably should disagree with, and you certainly don't want to be demanding. and so you find the person with the most unreasonable demands. and give and give and give. and you give it up. what? you want me to walk ten blocks in the pouring rain to meet you on the corner in front of your house so you won't have to make a left turn? yeah sure, that makes sense. you want me to wait at home for you to stop by and buy myself a new vehicle to occasionally swing by your trailer park because you don't want to pay for a phone or a phone booth? makes sense. you want me to sit here, waiting for you, while you chat up every girl in the room and then go home with you? that sounds just fine. you want me to tell you I love you but it's not big deal if you don't love me? I can do that. I'll just be here. waiting. more than valuable, because you'll never find anyone who gets your unreasonable needs like I do, you'll never find anyone who bends to meet them

hell, I'll make it a source of pride. how much shit I can put up with. see? I am not like other girls who squak and cry and pick on you for all that little shit. I can take it. I am more than happy to make your insanity seem normal if that make me special. it'll be our unique bond.

yeah. no. fuck that shit.
the moment I figured out that the very people who love a push over are the people who like to push, I started making a little more noise.

and now I can't seem to shut my fucking my mouth.

but, you know, I've had worse problems. as you probably gathered.

better the devil you know.

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