Sep 2, 2012

sacrifices are part of progress

over the course of your life you will make decisions, and some will be collaborative, some less so. and in the name of compromise you will have to give up things. some small things, some, seemingly big things.

you can't have paper and plastic. you can't have the bahamas and the rockies. you might not be able to have that cat and that dog. not in the same room anyway. you can't have your cake and eat it too.

but seriously, while we go into things, hopefully, with a clear ability to make discreet choices, sometimes choices forced on us by others that might seem unfair, might BE unfair, they are still choices and once they are made they need to be accepted, and if not forgotten, atleast forgiven

I mean, if your dream was to have a baby, naturally, shared DNA, and so forth, and you meet a man and fall madly in love and he can't do that for you, and you still choose to marry that man, you give up that particular, specific dream, and you LET IT GO.  You look into adoption, you look into fostering, you look into sperm donors. But once you make that decision that amount of times you can complain about it not being exactly what you wanted is,  I would say: zero. Yes, you can (and should) mourn the loss of the dream, yes you can privately discuss how much this pains you with your very discreet BFF or a therapist. But you leave it at that, because anything else is, honestly, immature and cruel.

In case you missed it, this is a metaphor. Or an allegory. I forget the difference.
And it is a rather extreme, but not uncommon one.

You make choices, and you learn to live with them. And just as many choices you make are about what you will not have as what you will. And if you are going to spend your life trying to get back the thing you gave up, or if life is more and more about what you lack or want, then maybe you should re evaluate your decisions. And make some new ones.

So I guesss what I am saying is: if you take a dream job 30 miles away shut the fuck up about your commute. Jesus, do we have to hear about it every day on facebook? And, If you have to give up half your shit to move in with the man of your dreams can you just leave that shit behind?

And even more to the point: if you never planned to leave it behind in the first place, and if you planned to play that sad little violin into eternity,from the moment you found the perfect bitter note: why did you make that decision in the first place and was the sacrifice really worth it?

Understand, driving home what you can not have in the wake of what you actually have can be perceived as a value judgement, a cruel punishment, and even a threat. It isn't too hard to commuicate that you are just waiting for the day when the scales tip and is no longer worth it. Or maybe it never was.

And if you have decided, after all, that the trade was worth it, please shut the fuck up.

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