May 18, 2013


I have friends that only see the beauty in those they love. Every friend is gorgeous, brilliant, undeniably sympathetic, and beyond reproach.They will raptly note how gorgeously voluptuous their full figured friend is or how incredibly creative their mostly clueless and disorganized lover is. And I can tell it isn't just charitable spin, that it is very much the way their brain absorbs the bits of pieces of those they adore...filtering out the unsavory bits and distilling the portions they adore into a unique love potion.

I have come to understand that I am quite the opposite. No matter how much I like you, I will acknowledge when you are being a little more mean spirited or unkind then you should be. I will pick up that misused word or the ridiculous things you do repetitively.  I will hear it when you rework the story to meet your logic instead of using your logic to understand the story. I will notice if your shoes don't go with your outfit, even if I really like your dress.

I wish it weren't true.

Understand. I also see the genius, the beauty, to humor, the grace.
They are right there there along with the stumbles and bumbles and falls. They sit next to that strange laugh that I can tell isn't entirely authentic and the way that amazing skirt doesn't really fit you right.

The up side in this is that there are very few falls from grace, very few pedestals I gaze up at, very few moments in which your humanity becomes all too screamingly real and I have to question the reality or source of my affections. The up side is that everyone is flawed, and everyone could be beautiful too and they don't come at the expense of each other. The up side is that I fell in love with you even as I clearly noted and with a bit too much clarity all of these unfortunate details. The up side is that you don't have to hide.

The down side is more clear. It isn't always pleasant. Especially when I hold back my observations and notice the things others seem kind enough to miss. The very bad side is when I find myself lying to pretend that what I just heard was sympathetic or deep or beautiful when I really think it was overly constructed, easy or shallow or even dangerous.

And it might make our relationship less than honest at times, but it does not make it any less authentic  and believe it or not, it doesn't make the world any less beautiful

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