Jan 10, 2005

fate mocks me cruelly as a hobby

So, I’m not that sure what the world is trying to tell me here, but in the last 24 hours I have had 3 people offer to set me up, a stranger propose to me over friendster, and 3 men hit on me in the crassest of ways. In addition, I have had an unusual wealth of friendly and interesting people approach me on the bus, in cafes, and on the street, even when I am clearly involved in something distracting, like reading or knitting.
I mean, I don’t look any different, I don’t smell any different, so the only change I can ascertain is MY complete and total indifference. Which is to say that I have never, ever, even when committed, been so massively disinterested in getting to know anyone new in a romantic way or otherwise. I have never been so absorbed by my own possibilities and the kindness and potential of my friendships. I never been so in tune with my needs as an individual.
I find myself comforted by the quietest of endeavors, the simplest of pleasures, and the most fruitful of investments. The static of discerning a new persons needs and desires sounds more like the potential for cacophony then the possibility of making beautiful music together.
And don’t get me wrong. I am flattered and touched and impressed when anyone wants to get to know me. But for the first time in a long while I am realizing a resistance to investing the kind of energy I consider essential to build a relationship (of any sort) until I can balance my own energies. It’s sort of an invigorating and confusing place for someone so used to finding the outside world and it’s inhabitants so enigmatic and fascinating.
I can only assume fate has one hell of a sense of humor.

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