impulse

I got a call tonight from a friend
asking me if I'd marry her
no
no
not GET married to her
you know perform the rights, the ritual
to a guy she'd known for a month or so...she was feeling out her options
you know, a dock, a chapel in vegas, city hall maybe

it was funny
and it made me smile

I remember that feeling
that stupid feeling
that reel and ride, swirl into it and hope you fall somewhere near where you leapt because the land feels like soft grass and the view is so so fine

the last time I got engaged I was almost a minor, in a room full of virtual strangers, and though I thought it was the worst idea on earth I wanted to run off and do it that night
sometimes I still wish I had

would I be the same person as I am now?
would that delirously impulsive girl have grown into me
wise, self-aware
analytical and cautious
alone on her porch, typing about it all, listening to laughter and fireworks and babies and drinks, clinking, off in the distance?