I try to avoid New Years resolutions under the presumption that new beginnings seldom end in anything other than sharp halts to sudden change and then a reversion back to old habits.
Which is to say, seldom does an extreme action last for long.
That being said, I do believe people are capable of big changes, strong changes, changes for the better. I just think most changes need to involve gradual metamorphosis and changes on a systemic level...habitual reconditioning if you will.
So when I tell you my New Years Eve resolution is the shut my dumb ass mouth I don't necessarily mean I am taking a pact of silence.
Sorry to disappoint.
Here is the thing: I talk too fucking much and I say way too many things I clearly should keep to my damn self.
Understand: I think this is a pretty common condition. Most people talk when they should listen, and speak to the level of cacophonous onslaught.
When else can we do but selectively listen, tune out on occasion, push the scan button.
There is a lot of information out their. We must be choosy.
And, you know, I'd like to do my part. Not just to spare people the buzz of my endless opinions and nasal prattle, but to endow a certain level of meaning when I do bother to say something.
Which is to say, it's for myself, and my need to be taken seriously when I do talk. To be heard instead of listened to as one would listen to background music or a TV constantly on.
And lately I've noticed this trend. I'll say something. Something I actually want someone to hear "don't go in there or you'll get shocked", "please go around back because the paint is drying", "Joanie is moving to peru in a week".
And then, miraculously, the words will disappear like ether. "Crap! I just got shocked!" or "Or, I'm sorry, I should have gone around back.." or "What happened to Joanie." and I'm sitting there, pondering their reaction. Did they not remember? Not believe me? Presume I am an idiot? I used to interpret such reactions to what I said, or lack thereof, to a combination of bad memory, absentminded, and lack of respect for my opinions and needs. I still believe each of these, in certain scenarios, played a part. No doubt people forget or dismiss me from time to time.
But more likely, I think it's simply that they never heard me in the first place, sitting there, pushing scan between my endless prattle of gossip and personal opinion and whatever the fuck I am going on about. Somewhere, in there, when I spout a relevant piece of information, it's missed. Who can blame them for just going to their happy place and waiting for me to get done with my story?
To be fair, I too am guilty of this exact thing from time to time...
So it's my New Years resolution to make as big an attempt as possible to shut my fool mouth when it needn't be open. To express opinions, distribute information and impart wisdom based on it's relevance and importance, and to, in general, try to make my words worth more by the letter than the volume.