happy new year

I'm in the process of trying to look behind the looking glass
I don't know how else to describe it. I also don't know what else to say about it other than it's frustrating...for myself, and no doubt for others, as well, who attempt to communicate me and come away over analyzed, underwhelmed and overpowered by the inertia of my ongoing intent.

It is something like this. Like Spirituality. Like you are looking at the world and you understand a bit of the science but yet, even if you don't believe in a g-d or higher power or dogma ideal, you sense there is something more to the symmetry of it all. Something you can't get straight from the science. No. More to the point there is something IN the science. Like one of the puzzles on the back of a cereal box you need a decoder for. But, you know, the message has been there all along.

This all sounds very deep and sweet and cosmic. Very...interesting of me, doesn't it. It is, in fact, not at all. It is insufferable, because it's so distracting, so off putting and unproductive that I grow annoying and annoyed, angry and offensive, and I get less and less of what I want from what sits in front of my face, as I stare at the puzzle reading it over and over again, thinking I might be able to decipher the code, full aware there is an easier way, a simple math, if I just know where to look.

And so nothing has meaning because all is flat. Even when so much is done and so much is said and so much is meant. All that, flowering with intention and import, is lost as I stare at the background, waiting for it to come into focus.

None of this is, of course, permanent and terminal. Just like any other past time, it, eventually wears itself out. It gets boring. Soon I'll want a more conquerable battle, an easier hill to climb, or, really, just a real true actually existent hill to climb.

But until then I remain the traveler, grounded in a static jail. I'm a nag. I'm a complainer. I should shut the fuck up.

No like really. Cause the looking glass is a mirror. And the mirror, well, that never lies. It's just hard to look at sometimes.