Jan 18, 2008

it's never too late to reasses

so, I haven't been doing a very good job at my new years resolution. lets face it, my heart wasn't in it. I neither have the drive, nor the true inclination to shut my mouth.

plus, organically I have come upon a much more appropriate and exciting new years resolution. or just a resolution that is much more long term, much less specific and discreet than my other super secret resultion to lose 20lbs this year (which is not so secret, now, anymore).

To the point, round the arches: This year and henceforth I'd like to attempt to take myself alot less seriously, while simultaneously encouraging those around me to take me alot more seriously.

It's time.

And I'm beginning to suspect this has something to do with adulthood.

Sooner or later you are bound to notice how ridiculous you are. You spend so much time with yourself that if you can't laugh at yourself, you're pretty bad company. And nobody wants to spend time with bad company. Akin to jumping out of one's skin that need to keep oneself inside only the respectable boxes they can manage is another step towards death and a firm holding towards stupidity.
Nobody should be this bored with themself. Not ever. Not for a moment.

That being said, sooner or later you need the people that matter to you to see you as just a little bit of what you really are. To align your vision of yourself with their vision of you. Just slightly. This is how we come into focus. This is how we command attention, by being able to be seen in the light. Without getting into too much more detail or giving away even more than I already have, suffice to say I put alot of effort into hiding myself and it has turned me into a glorified sweater monkey in many people's eyes. Amusing, easy to pigeonhole, a little confusing but not worth the ffort to decipher. I abble and I drool and I say somethings that sometimes sound like what they want to hear and I look, most of the time, ridiculous, like I'm wearing the wrong accessories. Like these aren't my clothes.

I am a deeply ridiculous person. Mistakeridden, confused, wandering around most of the time like an extra in a faulty towers episode. But not all the time. Sometimes I have something very meaningful to say. And if I believe that, it makes my ridiculousness all the easier for myself to take, and all the more none of their business.

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