Mar 3, 2008

You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

Have you ever heard that phrase? Your grandma probably uttered it more than once: You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.
We all understand the gist: kindness makes more alleys than aggression loyal followers.
In general, I'd like to go further and say: bullying rarely works, asking nicely often does wonders.

I think most of us know this on some level.

Like, if I sit, in the middle of the street, screaming at my dog for not obeying me, losing my shit because she wont sit or make eye contact, two things she damn well knows how to do, because something, somewhere, has for some reason I can't place, scared the living hell out of her and now she is acting like a hyperactive Pomeranian...well, you see where this is going. She is not going to behave. She is going to cower and try to get away from me and the last thing she is going to do is sit up, stair me in the face and start trotting next to me happily. Likewise, if I imply, under my breath to her, that I am sort of annoyed at her for always needing to ask twice, she'll probably wonder what the fuck I really want, and still wont give me what I need.

However, if I step a few feet forwards, ask nicely, and proffer a treat. She'll probably, sweet as pie, do exactly what I say.

This, should come as a surprise to very few.

And yes, you could argue, it shouldn't matter how I ask. Sit is sit. Whether I am yelling it dramatically or saying it with beauty and promise. She should sit because she knows it's right because I know it's right.

No. No. No.

And why, at those moments, when my head is saying "shut up, straighten up, offer a treat" do I most want to kick her? (Understand, I DO NOT KICK MY DOG).

Yes, the frustration of having to ask nicely for something you are already annoyed at not getting, can be the biggest frustration of them all.
And as much as we sometimes want to make clear "I want this, and I've asked a thousand times, and you really should know better, and I really can't even figure out why you are not giving it to me" that seldom works in anyones favor.

So, incase you missed it, there are various lessons imbedded in this post:

-If someone isn't giving you something: be it attention, love, or a big fat bonus, it's because they don't really care to. I'm not saying some part of them might not wish to. I am saying it's not a priority and you need to find a way to make it a priority, to make your needs as pressing to them as they are you.

-Bullying someone almost never works to your advantage. You may, momentarily, get what you want, but sooner or later than person is going to resent it, and they'll either fight back and find a way to bully you, or they'll jet.

-Passive aggression is still aggressive. Only it's confusing. And annoying. And it's still bullying. See previous comment.

-If someone is not giving you what you want and you do not understand why, ASK WHY. Why is this an issue for you? Why wont you do this? I mean, you can't ask the dog why she is freaking out and barking at a ghost, but you can try to figure it out in other ways. Humans are, sometimes easier....honey: why wont you take out the trash when I ask you and you say you are fine with doing it? Boss, why was I passed up for that raise when it seemed obvious it was coming to me. honeybabylover, why wont you give me blowjobs when we both love them so?

You get it. You know, the world isn't out to get you. It just has other things to do. And sometimes, personal letting other persons what you need, why you need it, and asking how they REALLY feel about giving it to you shows the respect they need to give a little sugar. More so, asking with a smile, proffering with understanding and clearing the road with a sweeeet baby carrot at roads end, can really do wonders.

No comments: