Jan 3, 2010

resolutions

Taking a few steps back:
2009 was the year I:
Bought a House
Resolved the last of my unsecured debt
Changed my Job for the better
Lost 15 lbs

Sounds good right? A formidable grocery list of expectations, too large to have even made it to my list of last years resolutions. I should be proud. I AM proud.
And yet I do not feel accomplished. And yet, though many of these things reduced a certain level of anxiety. They certainly did not remove it.

And I can't help but to feel more important things now sit waiting to be worked on. More important things scream for their share of attention.

So, I made alot of informal new years resolutions this year to myself.
Things less concrete and quantifiable.
Things like: practice healthier moderation, love myself more when I succeed AND "fail". Recognize life as a continuum and not a checklist. Spend more time doing things I enjoy and less doing things I feel obligated to attend. Spend more time around people I love. Spend more time around people I like. Spend more time around people who like me.

And then it strikes me that it is sad these have to be resolutions at all. That they should be instinct and natural inclination.

Sadly not the case. Sadly, sometimes, in the process of trying really hard to get things done that need to get done, that SHOULD get done, we get in habits of wasting the very time we most need to enjoy.

I am not sure how much habits develop, but I aim to find out. I aim to find out and break those habits. Lest I become a grocery list and not a human being.

1 comment:

Jezebel said...

The way I feel whenever you talk about your insecurities is, if anyone does not love and admire you, it can only because they don't know you well ENOUGH. Maybe even you, yourself.