Feb 17, 2011

I like it when men give me that sleazy look.

It is true.

I might even, sort of, like sleazy men, although I think this is less true. Infact, I have a certain radar that allows me to carefully naviagate away from particularly creepy or sleazy people. This might be something I picked up from outreach work, or just a skill I picked up after one too many creeps flew under my radar. But that aside, I like it when I get those creepy, lascivious, I bet you look good naked looks. And while I seem to have just ascerted I don't like sleazy predators, I often like the kind of man who will give me sleazy looks. Perhaps I just like lusty men.

This must all seem like a terrible contradiction. Or like I have horrendous self esteem.
Perhaps that is the issue, and perhaps it is just that I am a middle aged woman and true looks of lust and longing come fewer and farther between.

But I don't think that is it. Because I have not always been in deep doubt around my appeal, and I have always had a certain soft spot for the mostly harmless man who expresses a borderline innapropriate appreciation for my...considerable assets.

So what is this? What is this very incongruous, and possibly partially pathetic thing I have for such a breach in propriety.

I think it has something to do with openness, and a little bit to do with a sense of humor. We just seem to live in such a closeted and uptight society. Even in portland where there are strip clubs galore, and even in this day and age where pop stars consider pasties and hot pants on perfect stage attire, I still find something shameful and humorless in our society when it comes to expressing the very honest reality that we are all sexual creatures, who find more than just one person in our world sexually attractive.
And so when someone is able to express 'dude, I would totally do you" without simultaneously expressing "I am actually trying to do you" I feel a certain sense of relief, a certain sense that a barrier is down I never really appreciated being up.

And understand, I do not mean to imply we all want to have sex with eachother all the time and anyone not wanting to express that is uptight.
I am simply noting that the measures we go to in order to hide the fact that most of us find a good deal of people physically appealing just serves to make this very organic fact loaded, when it is just biology. Further, having a sense of humor about how ridiculous and unfair this is goes a good measure towards relieving unnecessary guilt.

Or maybe this is all bullshit and I'll take it where I can get it.

Who knows.

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