There used to be a website called "Just a tip".
You could log on and send an anonymous tip ranging from "Just a Tip! Everyone loves a man who bathes!" to something complimentary or specific or detailed "Just a tip, every time you call me fat, you make me want to toss you into the wall!"
I miss this site.
It strikes me, as I get older, I get easier to annoy and offend. Part of me knows that this my problem, and that only therapy and lots of meditation are the real answer.
But another part of me suspects this is atleast a little bit a healthy change indicative of slowly rising standards. That I am annoyed because, by now, I have the expectation that certain social and personal ...ettiquete should be obvious, should be self evident.
As such I have begun my own personal weekly "Just a Tip!" on facebook. Sure it may be lame or bossy or passive agressive, but mostly I consider these tips to be undeniable and obvious truths that will hopefully serve as reminders to others. And I profer these not just for those I love, but as a reminder for myself as well. However, because I love a good rant, my weekly tips will include a little more meat on this blog.
Annoying and verbose extrapolation to follow:
Just a tip: you can never go wrong with making a friend feel like an amazing person. If you are feeling insecure, turn that on it's head and remind everyone you know that they are so gorgeous, so smart, so unbelievably interesting that you are lucky they spend time with you. Trust me, they'll spend even more time with you."
Again, it seems so obvious, but I know people do the stupidest, most counterproductive things out of inscurity and just plain spaciness. I mean, it seems clear that we should just be nice to our friends, huh? I mean, criticism, if productive, honest and kindly communicated is part of the deal, but just sniping your friend down because you are feeling shitty is always bound to end badly. I have this one friend I drink with from time to time, and we'll be having a great time, and then he'll just drop some random brief insult into my lap. And I can tell it has more to do with him than me. Sometimes I even suspect this is his way of trying to make me feel grateful for his company: ya know, I've aged a bit, I'm getting a little chunky, I can't expect a great job like that, but atleast HE'LL THROW ONE BACK WITH ME. But at that point who wants to, because, you know what...after the insult I find: suddenly.I.am.not.having.fun.anymore. On the other hand, if he dropped awesome compliments, I'd probably overlook that he is snarky and insecure and weird and just be that much more happy to be in his presence. I might not even NOTICE these things if I wasn't suddenly on my second martini with my back WAY up. SO it is worth repeating, but SHOULD go without saying: make your friends feel good about themselves, and they will return the favor. If you feel something catty or mean or even inconsiderate about to slip out. STOP. DROP. and ROLL. Then remind them how hot they are. It will be much more fun. I promise.