I lose a lot of things these days. Displace them, I mean. It kinda freaks me out because once upon a time I had a really good spacial memory, and now I have no idea where the fuck half my things are. I am stunned to find I left things in the middle of the room. I put things down and walk away and WHAT?
I think I just stopped paying attention, stopped being very present. I assume massive exhaustion and constant vigilance (ie, toddler) have quite a bit to do with it, but I also suspect that I am moving towards being a new, different person, who notices different things than they used to, cares in ways I never imagined.
SO while a bit of me is inordinately frustrated by this reality, some part of me is a little excited.
it is a little like pregnancy. no one wants to be that big or that nauseous or that likely to topple over in a strong wind. but something big is coming. and that cannot be denied.