lets talk tits
bazoombas, watermelons, breastages, the almight rack
now, I've got 'em. yes I do. boobs I mean. anyone whose ever met me is completely aware of this fact because they, quite frankly, are hard to miss
now, before I go on, I want to be clear. I think breasts are great. they are beautiful. unlike the everpresent "cockshot" of craigslist, I've even go so far as to say that they stand on their own. they are nice to look at and occasionally hypnotizing and they are both functional and pretty. they are the great lord's artisan work.
there. okay. so now you know: I don't hate breasts or hate my breasts or even hate my body because I have breasts or have some sort of overarching issues with womanhood.
but here is the motherfucking thing. if I am to believe what I hear from the world they are the only interesting thing about me.
now. now I know this not to be true.
I know I am a unique and beautiful snowflake. but if I had a dollar for the amount of times someone has commented on my breasts, or immediately referred to them when listing my attributes, or made a comment like "well, he hasn't seen your rack" I'd be a homeowner by now.
And yes, yes, I make jokes about my breasts too. Because if you can't beat em, join em.
And every once in a while an appreciation for any given part of my body is fine. Nice eyes, legs, wrists, smile. Fine, whatever.
You know, I once had a guy compliment my arms. I found this odd, but I was grateful, because he didn't compliment my breasts.
But hey there, lets go back. It was weird, right? Weird that someone went on about how nice my arms were. Strange to have someone vocally objectifying my arms.
But somehow it's completely socially acceptable to comment on my breasts.
And really, no other part of the body gets this type of attention. I mean, eyes and legs do get their due, from time to time, in song, in sonnet. and everyone likes a nice ass. But no other part of the human anatomy is so socially acceptable to sexually objectify and comment on.
And yeah, I can already hear it, lighten up. Or more to the point, why can't I just accept a compliment.
Well, I'll tell you a little secret why: if you compliment one part of someone to the exclusion of any other part, sooner or later a person will wonder if people really think they have something else to offer.
So, next time someone comments on my breasts, or attributes my breasts for any kind of success or achievement, I am going to choose a really arbitrary body part of theirs and start complimenting it constantly.
That chick hit on you? It must be because of your unbelievable earlobes.